"I know you’re only a three-year-old and you can’t put all of my words together yet, but I have got to tell you something important about life.
"Life is like a big hill. Every bad thing you do is like planting a tiny sh*t-seed on the very top of that hill. These seeds quickly yield saplings, and if you’re not careful, you may cultivate an entire sh*t-forest for everyone to see.
"Face it, you're innocent now, but one day you’re going to make a mistake. It's inevitable. Hell, you might even make a few of them and you might also hurt a few people in the process. Maybe you didn’t mean anything by it or maybe you just had a bad example or two somewhere down the road. Maybe there weren’t any 'good examples' around to take notice and correct the negative behavior that was hashed upon your fragile, developing mind, but you'll soon learn that this is the nature of life. We weren't meant to control everything.
"Regardless of the mistakes you make, if you are worth a mere grain of your own salt, then you will eventually make a change in yourself for the better. Just keep in mind that no matter how hard you try, and no matter what you do to correct those mistakes, there will always be some heartless douchebag that will constantly remind you of what you were and what you have tried so hard to change about yourself. Never let that bother you and you will have proven your worth; you will change the world for a change in yourself!
"You see, you can ultimately take the easy way out and build a house in the hazy stench of a sh*t-forest or you can chop it all down and build a house on fertile land. Razing a forest of sh*t-trees makes the ground more fertile by nature (that is what sh*t tends to do, after all), but in doing so, you still have to clean up after yourself. In the end, you’ve made a world of difference cutting out all the sh*t, but now you’ve got a ton of sh*t-logs to roll downhill."
"You want some Goldfish, Buddy?"